COPING WITH DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS How many of us have found ourselves in a constant state of anxiety and stress over a relationship that continually wrings the life out of us? Are you living in toleration of a dysfunctional relationship? Do you need to self examine? Is your mental and emotional health continually severely compromised?
Here are some ideas to assist in finding a balance to give your soul peace, a break from constant stress and anxiety brought on by others. Consider these tips to survive other’s agendas that lack healthy and appropriate boundaries and behaviors towards you.
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If you are afraid to live your life because you might die then you have already died.
~Anonymous
Contemplation
RELATIONSHIPS…how many of us have found ourselves in a perplexing relationship with another human being. It can be a friend, sibling, acquaintance, family member, parent, co-worker, etc. A relationship is a relationship.
Sometimes the reality of these relationships is difficult to navigate. Especially when the other person identifies as dysfunctional. Navigating the steps to a healthy existence & relationship can be very daunting for one trapped in this eventuality. An overwhelming sense of frustration, concern, and hopelessness can be felt.
Simplicity like this daisy – pin#20
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
MARK TWAIN
What is a dysfunctional person?
The term dysfunction is defined as “any impairment, disturbance, or deficiency in behavior” on the part of an individual person, between people in a relationship, or among family members. Dysfunction can manifest as poor communication, frequent conflict, emotional or physical abuse, and much more.
Can you relate to this concept in any of your relationships?
How do you feel after an interaction with a dysfunctional person. Not so good right?
Over time, and repeat dysfunctional interactions it can wear you down to the point that you now identify this consequence as “normal” behavior. Herein lies the danger. Once we accept something as normal, we succumb to it. It infects our existence, then we transmit it to others around us much like a virus.
Why do we accept poor communication and conflict resolution skills from this “me centered” relationship? Are unhealthy coping skills going to suffice? How about the unobtainable expectations being placed on others in the relationship that the dysfunctional person cannot achieve themselves? How long will you tolerate the behavior that is unpredictable and erratic?
PIN IT #26
“The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.”
~GANDHI
Please know I am NOT suggesting that we all must be perfect. But I am suggesting that respect for one another and leading with LOVE in our treatment of one another is essential.
SANITY SAVING IDEAS:
ARMS LENGTH RELATIONSHIPS ARE ACCEPTBLE
Limit the information you share during interactions with the dysfunctional person. Think wisely on what information you share. I suggest avoiding details that could be turned against you potentially in a future conversation. No ammunition offered equals no twisting future negative interactions. Keep the conversations on general topics if you must interact with the dysfunctional person. Re-direct the conversation for the dysfunctional personal to be the center of attention in the conversation. Narcissists LOVE talking about themselves.
Golden Rod-seasonal allergy
“Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”
~YODA
SET BOUNDARIES
It is perfectly acceptable to voice to the dysfunctional person that you are not having this conversation (when a conversation is taking a turn for the worse and the circle of dysfunction presents itself once again.) You can change the subject or simply remove yourself from the conversation. Leave. It is alright to choose to not subject yourself to repetitive abuse. Especially if you feel like you are alone on an island with no-one championing your feelings. Insert an excuse and depart. CHEERS TO YOU FOR MAKING A WISE DECISION! Just leave.
Mob mentality is twisted, deadly, and reflects dark depths
“Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.”
~BERTRAND RUSSELL
ANXIETY AND STRESS RELIEF
A period of decompression will be necessary after each confrontation. Especially if this dysfunction is cyclical. Perhaps create a routine of behavior to “talk yourself down” after these unsettling interactions.
Go for a scenic walk, take a hot shower, watch a movie, etc. Each of us decompress differently, but be sure you self-soothe. YOUR EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL HEALTH IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY FIRST! You are no good to the people around you if you are not strong yourself.
END CONTACT?
Sometimes it is healthier to stop interacting with the dysfunction. Amp up the boundaries to include ending contact with the stressfulness if this is the healthier and appropriate boundary you require. Your emotional health is paramount! If this dysfunctional relationship is a detriment to your mental/emotional health perhaps choose to NOT be around them. Prioritize YOUR health first.
If you are an adult you get to decide whether you can tolerate seeing the dysfunctional person routinely in your life. Consider the “fall-out” from eliminating people from your world and be sure to consider the negative impacts of this decision. Pray about it. Pray for that person. Ask God to help you forgive them. But if necessary move on without them as part of your nurtured relationships. No guilt aloud. You did not cause this breakdown in the relationship. If anything your strength of survival to be healthy should be applauded.
If this post is speaking to your heart, right now, it may be really hard, but do this! SPEAK THIS ALOUD NOW! Say this to yourself in practice for the next instance when you may anticipate an invitation where interaction with the dysfunctional person is imminent, “I’ve decided to give myself some space from a recent negative situation that I have experienced with a family member and I won’t be heading to family events for the time being.” (if the dysfunctional person if a family member)
CHOOSE HUMANITY FIRST! Try random acts of positive kindness to others.. You never know what someone else is experiencing behind closed doors. Emotional support is necessary to all humans!
SHARE KINDNESS! In your daily walk of life, share an encouraging word to another daily.
“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” ~Proverbs 12:25
LISTEN to others when they communicate to you. Not to just what they are saying, but to what they are not saying. I believe we are all desperately trying to connect with each other on unspoken levels and most fall short.
Open your heart like this water lily opens to the sunshine
“Without faith, we are full of fear. Fear cripples the body and mind, paralyzing us, whereas faith opens our hearts and leads us to love.”
– Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi)
FEAR. One of the enemy’s most popular weapons that he uses against us. Worry, anxiety, stress, fear…can overwhelm us with a thick shadow of darkness, controlling our every move and decision. We tend to stay in our comfortable circles of life and tolerate or accept the injustices that daily are perpetrated upon us through dysfunctional relationships. Do not accept this treatment. EVER!
GOD’S WORD says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~Isaiah 41-10
GET A GRIP on the fear, stress, and anxiety that may be controlling you and your decisions or treatment of others and yourself. Open your mind to the possibility that your rational examination of “normal” may have become shifted and a new perspective quite possibly needs to be considered to move forward in healthy positivity.
LOVE and respect your neighbor as you want to be loved and respected. The Golden Rule still works perfectly!
“The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it. Enjoy it now, to the fullest. Do what matters, now.”
LEO BABAUTO
DAILY, we each get to choose how we will proceed that day. Choose wisely. Incorporate God into that daily choice to help chart your path.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~Phillipians 4:6-7
This unique circumstance of dysfunction also provides us as a culture the opportunity to turn it around to God’s glory. We can choose to respond when we witness these instances in a way to make a difference. What would God think about His children witnessing wrongs being purported against His children with His children not responding to it? How as a culture in your community can you turn negativity around to something positive today? Definitely something to consider when you view it through God’s eyes!
PIN IT #1
“One great enemy we must all endeavor to fear not conquering is fear. Fear can cripple purpose and purposeful life. Fear asks question we must fear. Fear makes vision a nightmare. One must always cross the barrier of fear to get to the great city of true purposefulness. A great number of us who are unable to live to accomplish the true reason for our existence on earth are unable to cross the barrier of fear in the first place.”
~Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
Leave me a reply below with experiences you have witnessed and how you chose to respond. Have you experienced dysfunction towards yourself or a loved one? I challenge you to perform a random act of kindness and report it below! REPLY BELOW!
PIN IT #4
“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”
~JUDY BLUME
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A 1993 graduate of Michigan State University, Barbara earned a BS in Social Science Pre-Law. She is a Business Manager/HR Director. Her passion is travel, discovering new places, experiences, cuisine, cultures while enjoying temperate climates. Barbara is a newly transitioning empty-nester who became a travel blogger. She’s a great photographer, talented writer, and has a great family to highlight in her high school/college athlete football sons.
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Thanks for exploring our travel blog! We hope to assist you in your next adventure through learning from ours! We are transitioning empty-nesters perpetually seeking our next luxury snorkeling adventure! Daily God’s awe inspiring inspiration surrounds us with all of His natural beauty in every direction if we but slow down to observe. Take a moment each day to ENJOY!
These are excellent tips for dealing with a dysfunctional relationship. I set strong boundaries and walk away from negative conversations and behavior.
You’re so right, a narcissist will talk about themselves forever! I’ve had conversations where the other person didn’t ask or notice a thing about me or turn the conversation to me once. Those are those good arm-distance relationships.
Great tips and advice! Relationships can be difficult and when you throw narcism or mental health issues it’s even harder and walking away may be the best way! Thank you for sharing your insight!
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20 Comments
Suzan
It is a skill to learn how to cope with dysfunctional relationships! A skill that needs continued honing.
Barbara Robinson
Completely agree! Certainly not for the faint of heart!
Cindy
These are excellent tips for dealing with a dysfunctional relationship. I set strong boundaries and walk away from negative conversations and behavior.
Barbara Robinson
Agree! Negativity is a drain on inner joy!
Megan
You’re so right, a narcissist will talk about themselves forever! I’ve had conversations where the other person didn’t ask or notice a thing about me or turn the conversation to me once. Those are those good arm-distance relationships.
Barbara Robinson
YES! And an easy defensive maneuver to deflect unwanted attention!
Sandi
Personal boundries give you a safety net when dealing with dysfunctioal relationships. It gives you a safe place to say no thanks.
Barbara Robinson
YES! We all need to work on our skills navigating these difficult relationships!
Lisa
Great advice when we find ourselves having to navigate these types of situations.
Holly B
Great tips and advice! Relationships can be difficult and when you throw narcism or mental health issues it’s even harder and walking away may be the best way! Thank you for sharing your insight!
Missy
Yes, I have seen dysfunction towards a loved one. I hug them and let them know how much I love them.
Barbara Robinson
Each of us has a responsibility to share love. Especially with those that are in desperate need of positive support!
Sandi
It is so important to be keepers of our own space and to find a way to cope with dysfunctional relationships positively.
Barbara Robinson
Very well said! I like that…keeper of our own space! Such a priority!
Whitney
Definitely great article. My favorite one is setting boundaries because I suffered with this one before.
Lisa, Casey, Barrett Dog
Great tips! Thank you for sharing.
Akansha
Setting boundaries is so important in any relationship. Thank you for mentioning that. This is a great post.
Barbara Robinson
I hope it helps!
nia
Great tips. I have found setting boundaries to be so key. Thank you for sharing!
Barbara Robinson
You are welcome! Hope the tips aid you!